BA (Hons) Computer Animation Arts - UCA Rochester
OGR 06/02/2016Hi Almu,Okay - well, I'm going to be very honest with you: I think you've got LOTS to think about and do in readiness for the deadline of this very challenging project. So, you've got a script, but there's not really a huge amount of story there; the tooth fairy goes to the zoo, gets the tooth from the shark - the end. Your script suggests some danger, when the mother shark wants to eat the tooth fairy, and maybe you don't need a lot of story if the action is exciting, but looking at your storyboard, it is hard to see any action :( Remember, storyboarding is an exercise in directing, in establishing the most effective ways to get your story told and to ensure the audience feels something. I think you need to look again at how suspense is creating in films, as the scene in which the tooth fairy is menaced by the mother shark could and should be a great opportunity to make your audience worry about the tooth fairy. Think about Duel - the way in which Spielberg moved his camera around; to the face of the driver, to the evil truck in the rearview mirror, to the outside of the car, to a close-up of the wheels of the truck, to a distance shot of the two vehicles on the road... I want you to look again at your storyboard and look at ways to get more technique into the mix; I want to see you creating exciting sequences. Remember, the brief asks that, come submission time, you've created a 'presentation storyboard' - i.e. a storyboard that is 'client-ready' and demonstrates your knowledge of the conventions of storyboarding (so illustrated camera moves etc). For a refresher of these conventions, look again at the 'Directing With A Pencil' presentation I gave; you'll find it on myUCA/Storytelling&Commission/FSTS/Briefing&Presentations.In terms of character design - Almu - I want you to DESIGN something. At the moment you appear just to be drawing a girl with wings. I want you to show me that you're applying some of the knowledge from Justin's classes, and I want to see you thinking more creatively about character design for an animated short. I'd like to see you exploring greater stylisation, with a greater emphasis on strong shapes: for example:http://41.media.tumblr.com/1da0b69f8e2a65bf0a68441328a0465f/tumblr_inline_nr8n2mWcxA1qec8bp_540.jpghttp://a.scpr.org/i/fa16ff9433a85cd805e34b0208d8f595/107279-full.jpghttps://mir-s3-cdn-cf.behance.net/project_modules/disp/fcb21c20807259.562f170e5a24a.jpgI just think, because of the fantasy/fun element of your story, you could explore character design more creatively - the same is therefore true of your environment design - things could get more 'animation' - so, again, for example:http://41.media.tumblr.com/12544c1694c8ddaf966cd99b6c1eb4db/tumblr_ni6ztaDYoR1r2a6l3o4_1280.jpghttp://orig02.deviantart.net/abc6/f/2011/089/9/8/samurai_jack_bg_study_by_fox_orian-d3cshrq.jpghttps://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/19/87/04/198704c373e2b32d6a8fc0d76aa0ff7b.jpgI guess my big point is you need to embrace the fun/fantasy/action elements of your story with more confidence and showmanship; everything feels very nervous and 'little' and hesitant and a bit boring, when you've got a tooth fairy and sharks!!! Have more fun, Almu - you're creating a cartoon!!!